Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

As people with hyperacusis we watch as the people around us are able to do things that we can’t do. From going to stores, restaurants, listening to music, going to movies, or for some of us even doing basic things around our house such as using appliances that make noise. Our hyperacusis limits us in so many ways, and it can be so frustrating and make us feel like “I don’t have a life.” The misconceptions of medical professionals and society that view hyperacusis as more of a psychological condition and think that we just need to gradually adjust to noise, and after hearing things like this over and over we sometimes start to feel like we are doing something wrong, and “should be able to do things that we can’t.” Unfortunately, sometimes, even within the hyperacusis community we even compare ourselves to each other in support groups or forms. When we see posts about other people with hyperacusis being able to do things that we can’t do, it can make us feel bad about ourselves. Sometimes, doctors and those around us will even purposefully talk about things that others with hyperacusis are able to do and make it sound like we should be able to do those things too. 

First I want to say to anyone who is a medical professional, friend, family member, caregiver, or know someone with hyperacusis please DO NOT MAKE THEM FEEL BAD ABOUT THE THINGS THEY CAN’T DO AND DON’T COMPARE THEM TO OTHERS. For those with hyperacusis we need to remember when we watch and hear about all of the things that “normal” people are able to do, that they don’t get physical pain from everyday sounds. They are not inside our bodies, their lives are completely different. They don’t go through what you go through, and it isn’t fair to yourself to them isn’t being fair to yourself. Don’t compare yourself to others with hyperacusis either: hyperacusis ranges from mild to severe and sounds that are painful for some people are not painful for others, our bodies respond differently to the same treatments and therapies, and our pain thresholds are different. Don’t get me wrong, the support community, and being able to connect with others with hyperacusis is very important and helpful, but we need to remember that each of our experiences and limitations are unique. Whether it be “normal people” or other hyperacusis sufferers, when we think about the things that they can do that we can’t it can make us feel like “we are less than them.” Frequent comparison can eventually lead to lowering our self esteem, and even turn into a cycle in which we are constantly criticizing and looking down on ourselves. All we see, think about, and focus on are all of the things in our lives that we “can’t and aren’t able to do.” Over time this type of thinking can result in depression. I have lived with hyperacusis for about a decade now, and I still struggle at times with comparing myself to what other people are able to do and the frustration of wishing that I could do those things. Although over the years, I have learned several things that have helped me greatly decrease the amount that I compare myself to others. I wanted to share the things that I have found have helped me embrace my own limitations, and hopefully you will find some of these things helpful as well in your journey of self acceptance.

Instead of looking at all of the things that you can’t do, try to focus on the things that you are able to do. Even if this is a very short list, if you think about it for long enough you will find that there are some things that you are able to do. Try building your skills in these areas, increasing the amount of time you spend doing the quiet things you enjoy, and find creative ways to use the things you CAN do to help others. Doing this will make you feel like you actually have a life that has purpose and meaning, and you will begin to think less about all the things that other people are doing. It is inevitable that you will see, hear about, or maybe even get offers to do and participate in things that you aren’t able to do. When this happens, it’s natural to feel sad and frustrated. One thing that I have found helpful in these situations is to find another activity or thing that you enjoy, even if it is something that you do in a soundproof room by yourself, that you can be doing while others are doing whatever fun thing that you can’t do. Surrounding yourself with people who understand your limitations, and build you up instead of making you feel bad about the things that you can’t do is also important. If your family and friends are not understanding and making you feel bad about your limitations, try to find a support online hyperacusis community with people who will help you feel confident in yourself, and show you how to accept and embrace your limitations.