Unfortunately so often people with severe pain hyperacusis are told by their friends, family, and society that they just need to “push themselves to do things despite the pain.” I have been told this message countless times and in countless different rewordings throughout my life.
I have had school staff, relatives, and people that I barely even know tell me things like: “pain is a part of life,” “no pain no gain,” “do it despite the pain,” “lots of people are in pain,” “you need to build character and endurance.” When I was younger and still to this day, when I try to explain about why I am unable to tolerate, participate, or do things because of the physical pain it causes me people often make these comments.
I remember very clearly a staff member at my school telling me “your going to have to do these things eventually it’s just a matter of whether you do them willingly or kicking and screaming,” and “your going to just have to go to the store” I have even had people who know me very well purposely ask me questions like “do you want to go with us out to the mall?” So that when I tell them no they can then start berating me about needing to “push myself and do things despite the pain.”
Often people think that they are being helpful by saying these things, but in reality they are being extremely offensive, ableist, and showing a great lack of empathy. People need to realize that they can NOT understand what it is like to be in someone else’s body, and it really makes me angry and hurt when people say that if they were in my situation they would do blank.
Well that’s very easy for them to say because they are not in my situation. Another thing people so often do, thinking that they are being helpful is comparing me either with other people who have hyperacusis or chronic pain and saying “so and so is able to do this or that.” Everyone’s body is different, even people with the same condition have different symptoms and severity, as well as different pain thresholds.
It’s not fair to compare people with hyperacusis with each other or other spoonies, zebras, or pain warriors. All statements like this do is make the person who is already in intense physical pain feel emotionally upset or bad about themselves. The person is likely struggling to just endure their pain on a daily basis. Also it is a very quick and easy way to push people away from you, or form a bridge in your relationship with them.
Even though it seems like people may be being overly sensitive or don’t have any endurance, it’s actually the opposite. Those with severe pain hyperacusis have to endure intense pain everyday and already push themselves just to do the things that they are doing even if it doesn’t seem like much to other people.
So when people explain to you about their pain and limitations be empathetic, and caring. Remember that pain is invisible, and you never know how much pain another person is truly in. For those of you who have been on the receiving end of such comments and statements, I am truly sorry and you never deserved to have had those things said to you.
Always remind yourself that your pain and sensitivity is NOT your fault. You endure a lot more pain on a daily basis than most people do, and are warrior even if no one else realizes it!
